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Sooo yea, this blog thing is not working out very well. I might need to break up with it if I can’t keep it updated. I wanted to write down how deployment is for me and here we are over 2 months in and I only updated to the end of august. ::bad blogger:: sigh. Anyways, No better time to pick it back up than the present. Deployment has definitely been getting harder. With some unexpected schedule changes and the goodbyes keep getting harder. People say “remember, it’s not goodbye, it’s see you soon”. Do people really say that? A goodbye doesn’t mean forever and I am NOT going to see my husband anytime soon! I’ll stick with bye. Also I always feel the need every time my DH goes back out to sea to say “Fair Winds and Following Seas” Not that he really needs fair winds under the Ocean… Silly little sayings. The world is full of them; Most of them contradict each other.
I have been keeping busy lately. I took a trip for a week down to Virginia to see a fellow Navy Wife. Actually she was my first Navy Wife friend. Our husbands were in Sub School together. She was also the first friend in the Navy to move away and I knew it was just the beginning. I now have 2 newer close friends- K and E. It’s just a matter of time before one of us has to move. It’s sad to think about. Honestly if I meet someone with less than 1 year in this location I don’t fully put myself into that friendship. Sad to say but I have to protect my emotional self.
Sometimes I think it’s easier for me when I have no contact with DH. It makes me miss him less. When I’m waiting for emails or phone calls, I have a sense of anxiety about it. This last time as soon as I heard his voice I started crying. I don’t even know why. I guess just because I miss him so much my heart hurts when it realizes it. Then I got used to talking to him. Several days later when it was time for our last Skype call.. guess what, Skype video wouldn’t work so we could only hear each other. It broke my heart, I wanted to see his face and talk face to face before he set out for sea. Saying goodbye after that conversation was terribly hard. That whole week I found myself bursting into tears. It’s been awhile since then and I have been content. Maybe it’s because Owen has been such an easy happy boy recently. Life must go on though, right?
I’ll leaf you with a pic of little O (get it?)
I haven’t written in about a week but for good reason of course! DH was in port so I’ve been spending my time Skyping, facebooking and waiting for phone calls from a foreign land. I’ve also been “on vacation” since Tuesday.
Vacation for me is going anywhere that I have extra hands to help me. Currently it happens to be at my parents’ home which is also my childhood home. I really love being back here. It’s filled with familiar places, familiar people and boat loads of memories both good and bad but really mostly good. The best part about it is having two other people “Grams and Grampy” to little O. O absolutely adores them. He is quite the snuggle bug with his warm squishy Grampy. Is it strange that I think he does it because I get jealous? But really he looks at me like “haha I’m snuggling Grampy, neener, neener, neener”! Despite my yearning that he would snuggle more with me it’s pretty freaking adorable!
We’ve also had the great opportunity recently to Skype with Dada. O loves and obviously misses his dada. Every time his face pops up on my phone O’s eyes light up and he says “Dada”! Sometimes he’ll take my phone and carry dada around with him while I follow and talk to DH. It’s very sweet.
So we have a few more days of vacation before we head back home. I like being home because it’s my home and I enjoy seeing all my friends. We have a great playgroup/ parent group starting soon. Filled with old friends new friends and people I haven’t met yet. It’s always good to have something to look forward to!
I was just doing a random deployment realted search online and came across a really cute toddler shirt that said “Get out of my way, I get mt Daddy back today” SO cute! But it made me cry. I’ve had a rough day. I had big plans this weekend- baby shower, Birthday party big get together from my online moms grou. I had to cancel all of it because my little man has a cold. I didn’t want to chance him getting worse or infecting others. I was really bummed this morning, tears and all. I’ve come to terms with it though. I like my house, I just wasn’t looking forward to spending all weekend alone. You see since the day DH left I’ve had something to do everyday. Then all of a sudden I have to stop and be alone (well with O) with my thoughts. They’re not great thoughts. Mostly filled with I miss yous and I can’t believe I’m not going to see you till next year. I had been doing pretty well but now O is in bed and I’m just alone with my Moscato (if you haven’t tried this wine you’re missing out. Tastes kind of like apple juice). I posted the obligatory instagram wine photos and got a lot of comments about my “Deployment Survival Glass” (see pic below). It almost feels like I’m interacting with people… thank you facebook! Honestly it is lifting my spirits!
I’ve received a few emails from DH so far which has been really nice. Speaking of emailing someone on one of my fb groups had the nerve to say “oh how lucky for you getting to email and sometimes skype. Back in the day when my dad was in the military we had to wait for snail mail”! BITCH. yea ok ANYTHING when compared to back in the day is more technologically advanced and better! But if you compare it to most of the military members today we have very limited communication! The only groups I can think of that have less are Navy Seals, marines in top secret missions and the sailors on the large “Boomer” Submarines. But the typical troops have much better access to communication than we do. We only are able to Skype when they are in port and can find wifi. We also have up to 2 months at a time of zero communication. This should be on a list of things NOT to say to a military wife no matter what the communication situation! How insensitive. Of course instead of saying all this I just said “Yea it’s nice, I wish I could snail mail but it never gets to them because their location and ports are secret”. Sometimes I wish I was more of a bitch directly to people.
Anywho- for your viewing pleasure, mamawakes and her moscato 😉 (glass courtesy of Sew Rock’N https://www.facebook.com/Sew.rockn):
Oh Boy, so it’s no secret that the stereotypical Navy Wife is full of drama. Of course that’s not true about all navy wives. But isn’t there always drama when you have a group of women stuck together? The “boat girls” are all this together whether we like it or not. We all find our own niche though. You know the girls who remind us of our friends back home or have some sort of connection. You don’t always connect with everyone you meet, even the nicest of people don’t. So I always do my best to reach out to people who may not know a lot of other wives/girlfriends/fiances. I try to stay out of any drama and even though it’s sometimes hard I try not to gossip or make judgments about people. Of course we all slip sometimes.
Here’s my story about Deb. I met Deb at a friend’s party in May. She and her boyfriend ,who is riding my husband’s boat for awhile until his Sub is built, seemed really nice. They loved little O in all his cuteness. I talked for awhile with Deb. She is about my age and really nice. We have gotten together a few times since then, once for breakfast and to watch the boat come in a couple times. I know her boyfriend is not too keen on her getting involved in the Navy Wife life. He thinks it’s just a bunch of gossiping drama queens. Despite his wishes she hangs out with just me.
One time while the boys were in port down south there was an incident where my friend was trying to get in touch with her husband and he happened to be with Deb’s bf so I texted Deb to just ask if she could pass along the message. I said nothing more than that she was worried and just really wanted to speak with him. Everything worked out with that although turned out the guys were being a little naughty! I don’t know what Deb’s bf told her but I don’t think it was the full story that included him wasting away $1000… yikes.
We went to breakfast shortly after the incident and I didn’t mention anything because it’s not my place to say. So the guys came back and she asked me if I could bring her on base to greet the boat. I said of course I would help her out. Her bf was all smiles to see her, as he should be.
Fast Forward to today. I haven’t heard from Deb, I figured since we were all trying to enjoy our short time with our guys. I decided a Girls’ Night was in order for all my “boat girls” and as I was inviting people I realized that for some STRANGE reason we were no longer fb friends… wth!? I rationally texted her to ask her about it. In short- I got a long winded answer that basically was her telling me that her bf wouldn’t allow her to be friends with me even though she really wanted to be. seriously? That does not sound like a healthy relationship to me. Maybe I should have said that to her but instead I just said I understood to an extent. In my opinion I think he is trying to save his own a$$ and doesn’t want anyone telling her what he’s up to on deployment. I call bull%$*#.
So DH left for Deployment yesterday. I watched him leave down the river with a few other ladies. I always feel like I need to watch it. It just reassures me that yes he really did leave. Some people don’t like to watch it leave because it makes them sad. Of course I was sad but I’m also very excited for my husband to have this experience. He’s going to be a part of something great and worthwhile. He’ll also get to see things he has never seen before! I’ll admit a part of me is a little jealous (yea I know, I probably sound like a crazy person)!
Anyways, life goes on here on the homefront. Yesterday grocery shopping, today coffee with a friend and a nice walk. you know the usually mommy things. I did join the gym today though, that’s something new. The YMCA (http://www.ymca.net/) has a great program that allows military spouses whose husbands are on deployment to receive a free membership for 6 months. I of course took advantage, I mean there’s free childcare! I can’t wait to start going to some classes: Spinning, Zumba, Kickboxing and of course swimming. Hopefully O has fun in the children’s room there!
Speaking of O, he was being so adorable tonight. I was showing him videos and pictures of Daddy. It made him so happy and he kept saying Dada. Like I mentioned before, I plan on keeping up with Daddy stuff to make sure that O will be receptive to him when he comes home. It’s only day 2 but so far so good!
At night when the stars light up my room
I sit by myself talking to the moon.
Trying to get to you
In hopes you’re on the other side talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?
Yelling “Byebye” to Daddy’s boat…
So I have this new friend “K” and she is freaking amazing! She’s a wife from the same boat as my DH. We hang out a lot when the guys are gone and often when they’re here! I am so glad I have met a great friend here. I used to have another great friend here “R” but her DH received orders and they had to PCS (aka move) to Virginia. I miss her tons and plan to go see her this fall since I haven’t seen her in over a year. Back to K, she is younger than me and kidless for now.
Kidless friends are priceless! They will come over your house at night and drink wine with you when the kids are asleep, they will babysit for you when their husband is on duty, and in a pinch you know they can usually come over to help you if you need it!
This is not to say that friends with kids are any less helpful and fun to hang out with. When K has a baby which will maybe be soon…. we’ll still hang out a lot but our fun late night chats, wine drinking and karaoke won’t be quite as frequent! I don’t have to worry about that quite yet though 🙂
Tomorrow night is date night with my DH and K is babysitting, Can’t Wait!
Change can be very difficult. You get used to one thing and then all of a sudden things change. It happens with babies when their schedules change and it is basically the way life is in the Navy Community. You are constantly being tossed about. My Sailor came home about a week ago and before we have even adjusted to him being home we are now preparing for him to leave. This time will be different than any other time though.
In the past we have had underways that have varied from 4 days in length to 6 weeks. This time we are gearing up for a whopping 6 or more months away on deployment. Notice I say “or more” because lately more times than not the sub deployments have been extended by about a ,month give or take a few weeks. How do you even start to prepare for this? It is not able to be understood by little ‘O’ .
He is so happy right now that Daddy is home. The day he got back he gave him countless beautiful open mouth slobbery kisses. It breaks my heart to know that he is just going to leave again and O won’t be able to understand why or for how long. It will seem like a lifetime to him. O doesn’t suspect a thing. But when we wake up early to bring daddy to work still in PJs he will know. He knew last time and when he saw Daddy in uniform that morning he began to whimper; My poor little baby. You see usually DH (Dear Husband) drives himself to work and the only time we drive him is when he’s leaving. O has caught on.
We have taken some steps to make sure Daddy is not forgotten. Just last night I was sitting in the living room listening to DH record a story book for O. It was so very bittersweet, He also plans to make a few videos. O has a Doll with Daddy’s picture and a photo book of Daddy. I want to avoid at all costs that O will not be receptive to DH when he does finally come home. DH will be incorporated into our daily lives.
I can only do what I can do and nothing more.